Deanshanger 0-11 Lions (u11`s)

[darren2]

Today saw the Lions play away to Deanshanger, a side who held us to a draw at home, but after Thursdays performance if they could repeat that again Deanshanger would always find it hard, and as the scoreline suggests, we were totally dominant from the off, with a great team performance including a clean sheet despite conceding two penalties !!, well done to the team just two league games left to play, a more detailed report will follow.

Darren.

[paul]

Match Report, Deanshanger 0 – 11 Newport Lions


Before setting off to the match I shouted down to Jane “where's Scott, our little lion”?, I looked in the wardrobe upstairs and found a witch!, then Jane shouted up “get out of there, that's none o your business” – Actually, said I, it's Narnia business at which point out jumped Scottie to bring us (well me) back to reality.

So the massed ranks of M.A.D.s all gathered at Deanshanger including former Newport First team stalwart (from back in the the Jet age) “Double ard Roger” who was there despite his Grandson, Lions midfield maestro “Charlie Farley” being on wedding duty elsewhere. That's nice of you to come thought I, only for Rog to tell me he was here to see if he could find the Deanshanger centre forward from 1968 as he wanted to finish the on field scrap without a ref there to break it up!!

On a similar subject I mentioned to Tova that her shirt had some crusty vomitt stuck all over the front only for her to point out to me that it was a picture of Man United and that if I wanted she would see me round the back of the tree? Now I thought “Wa hay, my lucks in” but unfortunately Tova just wanted to to take me to a quiet place and batter me black and blue for being cheeky.

Anyhoo – spose I ought to get onto the game in hand – and of course the big question was “Would Deanshanger still have the “invisible ball deflecting forcefield” working at full power in front of their goal as last time – well as you will surmise from the score at the top of the page I am happy to report that it appears to have suffered a failure of catastrophic proportions - Yippee!!.

So the game kicked off and still fired up by Thursdays 6-0 drubbing of kempston the lions ripped into the Deanshanger team – Scotty “The hottie” Howkins, a real life cross between Wayne Rooney and Mick Mcmanus was chasing everything down up front, Lightning Lewis, A.K.A “Grasshopper” was flying about causing all kinds of grief for the Deanshanger lads and when this wasn't happening the midfield of “Mighty Joe” Eva, “Revved up Reeve” and Nine Lives Nathan just piled the pressure on by not giving the opponents a second on the ball and dominating the midfield play.

Now don't let me give you the idea that there was no craft or skill backing up the above actions – it was there in spades, in fact it was there in buckets and spades, no, that's a lie – it was there in very large cement mixer style lorry loads so big they that need a police escort to get around - for the fact of the matter was that the boys were displaying a veritable smorgasborg of passing football that Arsenal would have been proud of (but with Goals too) so please let me give you a taster taken from the reams of notes Jo has festooned me with:

3rd Min – Mighty Joe hits a cracking shot and the Hottie follows up to knock the ball agonisingly close but just over the bar (truth was, it was so high it came down with Ice on).

6th Min – following a great build up that included wonderful inter passing play between “Revved Up Reeve”, “Nine Lives” and Scottie “bites yer legs” leech “Mighty Joe” crossed beautifully for “Lightening Lewis” to have his tremendous shot stopped by the increasingly busy keeper.

All this pressure was sure to end in a goal and in the 8th minute, following a sweet one-two, Joe was fouled and a free kick was awarded just outside the penalty area. Up stepped “Nine lives”, and with a left foot sweeter than a Willy Wonka chocolate bar he placed the ball in the top left corner – great goal buddy.

8th Min - Lions 1-0 up


From here on in it was really one way traffic - the 11th minute saw “Lightening Lewis” reduced to just a spark as a result of a knock so Superfast Shayne entered the fray and 2 mins later following excellent work from Scott “Bites yer legs” Leech, Superfast put the Lions 2-0 up

13th Min - Lions 2-0 up

2 mins later Shayne returned the compliment by deliberately aiming his shot to hit the post so it would rebound out to “Bites yer legs” and allow him to volley it into the top corner with real style. The following celebration had to be seen to be believed, he was punching the air and screaming “eat your heart out Thierry Henry” and “sign me now Wenger” which left him and the MADS smiling like Cheshire cats.

15th Min – 3-0 up

It was now clear that the match was going away from Deanshanger and was in danger of becoming a rout, the forwards were rampant and the Midfield were completely dominant so what was the defence doing?
Well, they too were playing out of there skins, Oscar “Ozzy Osborne” Friel controlled the centre ground with total authority while on the left Jamie “Tosh” Latarche was simply outstanding – Not only was no-one getting by him but he was linking superbly with Nathan and distributing the ball with unerring accuracy to all areas of the pitch.

17th Min - Excellent battling from “Revved up” results in a pass to superfast Shayne who finished well to take the lions 4 - 0 clear.

19th Min - “Bites yer legs” comes off for a break (he even gave the crowd some applause back!!) so enter stage right “The Poet” Dylan to more than ably take up the mantle of right back and in the 23rd min “Revved up” and “Mighty Joe” come off to be replaced by the walking time bomb, Alex “TNT” Tucker and the iron giant “Ave it” Aiden Campbell.

26th Minute - Found “The Stone Mason” Tofts – our rock in goal touching the ball for the first time since kick off and his excellent kick eventually found “Ave it” who placed it magnificently in the far corner to make it 5-0

28th Minute - Mason made a great save but only two minutes later he found himself in that loneliest of places for a keeper - facing a penalty taker following a highly contentious decision.
Was the Stone Mason gonna crumble like sandstone? No, he most certainly wasn't for he stood proud like a huge granite Monolith and saved the shot with a magnificent diving save.
A great save and a positive way to end the first half.

Half Time – Lions 5-0 up

Half time – Noticed “leaky boots Elaine” was present and amazingly still wearing the same leaky wellies as last week – Now I have only noticed these at the last two games (which we've won convincingly) so perhaps they are our lucky charm - I reckon Elaine needs to keep them on until the end of the season just in case and if trench foot results well, it will have been worth it!!



So – onto the 2nd Half – and it began in much the same manner as the 1st half finished – Fabulous play by "Tosh" and "Ave it" in defence but another penalty resulted and it was back down to Granite boy to do the whole thing over again.
The Deanshanger lad stepped up and the Stone mason saved again – Two pens saved in one game – awesome keepering Mason!!!

At this point I was blinded – not by the sun but by the reflection from Wayne's beaming, pride induced smile at the sight of his son doing the impossible – luvverly!!

4th Minute – “Tosh” once again laid it off to “The Hottie”, who passed onto “lightening Lewis” whose shot was saved but the rebound was laid off to “superfast” Shayne who blasted it home for his hat trick – 6-0

11th minute – Deanshanger were giving it a go now and Stone Mason was forced to make another great save from a long range – then going back up the pitch “The Hottie” collected a great through ball from "Tosh" and smashed it into the top corner to make it 7-0

It was wave after wave of attack now – "Ozzy", "TNT", "The poet Dylan" and "Ave it" all smelt blood like the forwards and in doing so displayed some truly outstanding passing football creating openings for those further up the pitch and in the 23rd Minute the Hottie got his second to make it 8-0

By this time some more changes had been made but to be honest it didn't matter who was on the pitch – the whole squad were putting in a great performance.

25th minute – Nathan's exquisite cross was met by the Hottie's head only for his effort to rebound off the post and following some more unselfish and delicate play Mighty Joe Eva whacked it in to make it 9-0.

31st Minute – Nathan did a short corner to Joseph who put over a super cross to be met by “lightening lewis” (back on following a recharge) who as usual was in the right place to tap it in and take it to double figures at 10-0

The game was nearly over now but Nine Lives Nathan wasn't finished – from 25 yards he lofted the ball in the top far corner to make it 11 – 0 and cap a tremendous team performance – our highest league result this season.

Final Score – Newport Lions 11 – 0 Deanshanger colt stallions.

Summary:-

Well, considering we drew against Deanshanger last time this result came as a bit of a surprise but no one who saw the performance could argue with the result – the whole squad were simply awesome maintaining a level of intensity that rendered the Deanshanger lads, who were trying, a clear second best.

Managers Man of the match - Jamie “Tosh” Latarche – a faultless performance – coolness personified while being incredibly effective. Good work Paul and Kelly!!

Finally congrats to Darren and Kevin – you should walk tall after that one and well done to all on a tremendous turn out from the MADS.

Cheers – Paul H