Emberton 1 v 0 NPTFC-Lions(U14`s)

[darren2]

All,

The Lions played their latest league game away to Emberton, this produced our first defeat of the season, in a game that Emberton deserved to win, well done to Simon, Des and the boys, whilst we lost, there is plenty for us to work on, to ensure these score-lines are far and few between, unlucky boys, and we can put this right next time.

Darren.

[paul]

Match report, Emberton 1 – 0 Newport lions


The visit started with more urine extraction, just like last week – I got to the pitch to be met by a beaming Arsenal fan Sina Adekoya who immediately spluttered out the words 5-3 to me and said what a “big score that was”– Being a bitter and twisted Chelsea fan the only thing that came to me by way of a witty retort was “yeah but not as big as Jervinho's forehead” which is pretty pathetic really but the best I could do at the time. In fairness the only picture of Jervinho's forehead I've seen had to be taken by Google earth so maybe I have a point!

Anyhoo – onto this game and the opposition, Emberton are reigning Div1Champions so we new it would be a toughy but also we knew if we were at our best we could compete with them – read on then my fellow footballing freaks to find out if we did?

Kick off found Scott “Bites yer legs” Leech, Charlie “Peanuts” Brown, Scotty The Hottie” Howkins and “Superfast” Shayne Irving sitting on the subs bench and so the game started and fell into a pattern of play that was pretty painful to watch – We were sitting deep and defending the granny out of it but without much intelligence.

“Intelligence? What are you on about, you plum” I hear you say? Well we defended strongly and competed for every ball often winning it, however having done the hard bit well we followed it up by continually hoofing the ball up the pitch and thus giving possession straight back to the Emberton who simply said “thank you” and came straight back at us time and time again – this is how it was for the first 20 mins or so until the guys settled a bit.

My dulcet tones on the Dictaphone remind me that we did have some attempts at their end with Santino “San The Man” Ciliberti crossing to Archie “Angela” Rippen and “Angela” doing the same with lone front man, the 3 wheatabix powered Charlie "Chazzer” Tofield on the end but unfortunately nowt came of it. Similarly “Chazzer” conspired to create a chance after he caught the Emberton lads sleeping and crossed for "Superfast" (who had come on for Nathan “Nine lives” Clarke) but he couldn't quite get to the ball.

So while this was going on during the few excursions into their half in defence “Cool Hand” Callum Quinn- Hudson, “The Poet” Dylan Cunningham, “Arsene” Adegbenger (pronounced Benger) Meranda, Nathanial “Nat king Cole” Beecher and of course the keepmiester general, Sonny “Braveheart” Clayton were working their proverbial's off to keep us in the game and they did this successfully up to half time – “Arsene” even cleared it off the line!!.

Half time and 0-0, Time to take a break and consider things and in the words of the eminent philosopher, “Baldrick” come up with a “cunning plan” to turn things around.
While Darren manager and the Emberton managers new best mate Owen Brown undertook that task I found myself surrounded by jocular Gooners tittering at Chelsea's demise the day before. So miserable were they making my existence I decided to help Tova (superfast's Mum) in cleaning all the white lines of what we initially thought was mud – but what turned out to be Rabbit poo – I really was having a cruddy weekend.

I thought West Ham fan Jo leech had brightened my day by stealing the aforementioned Dictaphone and recording the word's “Paul's got a sexy backside” until I remembered that her eyesight is so poor she's renowned for head butting every shop window in Newport Pagnell – just imagine it - Jo' spots a bit of jewellery she likes, points, leans forward to get a better look and “Clang” her head hits the window - priceless!

It was a relief for me when the game started but not for the lads – Midfield maestro Simone “Balotelli” Datsamor was taking a break as “The Hottie” entered the fray but the very classy “San the Man” and the top quality Edgar “Diarby” Adekoya in the middle had to continue running themselves bandy whilst trying to turn defence into attack.

Unfortunately the best efforts of the team were not enough as Emberton finally scored the goal that had been coming to go 1-0 up.

Actually it was at this point that we started to play better, “Bites yer legs” combined well with “Angela” up the right hand side whilst “Cool hand” and “Superfast” did well up the left and what's more we even had a shot at goal from “The Poet” but unfortunately it was wide.

As the game drew to a close the ball was being played on the ground at last by the Lions and this led to some good interplay - “The Hottie” crossed well for “Chazzer”, “Braveheart” even came up for a free kick but as it had done the whole game, the ball just didn't fall right for us, the few chances we had withered away and with that the game was over.

Final Score 1-0 to Emberton.

Summary:

The Summary this week comes directly from the tall, expert lino Desperate Dan Halter who said and I quote “Good effort, Hard work, played well in patches but Emberton slightly stronger” which is actually spot on.

He then followed that up by saying “Chelsea are significantly superior to Arsenal and the unfair and demeaning abuse given to Paul today is simply wrong and anyway the keeper should have been sent off and Jervinho's still got a massive forehead, so there”

Thanks for that Dan – I couldn't disagree with a word you said.

Cheers and lets go one better next week!!